#FeminineTipFriday | Fuck It | Noun| the point where doing all you can meets there is nothing left to do; the art of surrender on steroids.
I’m not saying 2020 is whooping my ass, but she has an undefeated three piece combo! This year did not come to play and though I consider myself a person who loves to take on a good challenge, this right here...I was NOT prepared for.
Its cool to be positive, but let’s be real, if you’re anything like me you’ve likely had days that you struggled getting out bed; looked more like the Beast than the Beauty; wanted to or did lose your temper; fall back into old patterns; felt like shit; and told God “look, don’t send no more lessons my way this week!”
I Thought Somebody Said Something...
My breaking point was yesterday after waking up to my car being towed to a dusty abyss. This was after two days of countless hours of being on hold with unemployment just to find out they may take another 4-8 weeks to get back to me; 3 hours with departments from my new employment just to find out that my paper work would be a longer process than expected (delaying pay); and a series of other tiny events that had me all but ready to “knuck if you buck” with anybody who I thought said something!
Yesterday was the first time I asked God “Why are you doing this to me? What am I doing wrong?” I felt like I’ve done absolutely everything I’m “suppose to do,” and yet still I’m here- WHY!? I literally broke down, closed all the windows and cried myself to sleep for another 4 hours. I was over it! Finito! Frustrated, annoyed, dissapointed, and just said “Fuck it!” Don’t get me wrong, I’ve absolutely had some very nice wins, revelations, and insights that have expanded my awareness, strengthened my belief, and given me a greater level of confidence in myself. But what happens when these things are shaken up or taken away? What is my attitude toward life, toward myself, when things are not going my way and my reality does not appear ideal? Well, the above narrative is what happens!
When I finally calmed the hysterics, a small voice said “this too is necessary, you’ve done nothing wrong.” I can’t say it immediately made me feel better but it did ease my anxiety and pulsing heart, partly because I literally couldn’t figure out anything more I could “do.” The truth is, that it’s not wise for us to build tents on mountaintops (the good times) and fashion our identity around an image of the things we get “right.” Not that we cannot find pride in and fully enjoy these moments- this is necessary too; but its healthy to seek that same joy when what we expect is disrupted and we feel thrown off our rocker despite our best efforts.
These moments will be our greatest teachers; build and add depth to our character; strengthen our faith; and deepen our self understanding, love, and capacity to express and relate to human nature. Let’s normalize loving and accepting ourselves when we make mistakes, fall short, or just feel less than okay. When you’ve done your best and still find yourself saying “You know what...” follow it with “Fuck it!” And let the chips fall where they may. God got it from here.
What can you say “Fuck It” to today that will allow you to surrender and be guided to a new way?
The theme for the month of July is “Your Diet is More Than What You Eat!” We will continue to explore some of the things that can keep us stuck, distracted, and unfulfilled and focus on spiritual principles and practices, emotional well being, relationship building tips, and whatever else God places on my heart to share or takes me through to experience. Y’all pray for me.
Like I always say, I am doing this work along side of you and my writing serves as only a reflection and personal narrative that I hope you find useful in your own experience.
“The life you want is on the other side of the awareness you accept & the decision you make as a result.”
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Peace. Love. & Soul- Glow Grease.
#DANCEForYou #WonderingWhitley #Boundaries #SelfLove #Healing #Expectations #Standards#Creating #DivineMother #Lifestyle #SelfAwareness #Beauty #Goddess #SpeakTFUp#Accountability #SelfAwareness #SelfMastery #SelfReflection #YourDietIsMoreThanWhatYouEat